Today's Challenge: Walk a Mile in Someone Else's Shoes

Recently, I visited a friend who works in a facility which acts as a nursing home and rehabilitation center. My friend, "Gertrude" mentioned that several of the Certified Nursing Assistants (CNAs) struggled in caring for clients with dementia. Gertrude asked if I could offer the CNAs any advice.... Oh yeah! I love an opportunity to educate almost as much as I love an opportunity to talk!!

Of course, "Gertrude" knew that I had a father-in-law who passed away due to complications of dementia, I had worked at the Alzheimer's Association and am a gerontologist. Indeed, I had much that I could share with these people. Interacting with these frustrated individuals reminded me how important it is to take the other person's perspective into consideration. We spent time discussing their frustration so that I could understand their perspective about their work. This discussion made it was clear that they were unable to see things from the patients' perspective.

We spent over an hour together. Comparing pictures of healthy brains to pictures of brains impacted by Alzheimer's initiated an understanding of their patients' disease. I must admit that utilizing a head of cauliflower and silly string to illustrate what neurons and synapses are, and the impact dementia has on them probably helped a bit too.

Knowing the physical characteristics of dementia was important, but understanding and respecting the particular place in time these precious vulnerable patients are at were essential too. A "mindful" exploration of how these employees would interact with the world if it were they who had the dementia revealed the reality that individuals with dementia deserve respect, patience and compassion.

We role played. The first situation involved entering the room to assist a patient. I was the patient with dementia. I indicated that I had been in the nursing home for approximately two years. "Henry", who volunteered showed me how he addresses his long term patients. I reminded him about the disease progression detailed in the creative cauliflower activity. With very little coaching, this CNA came to the realization that he needed to:

• walk into the room more slowly
• position himself to be face to face with his patient
• greet the individual and introduce himself
• offer assistance articulately and respectfully

Initially, there was surprise that I suggested this routine be done each time there is interaction with this patient; however, reminding the CNAs of that clever cauliflower activity hit the point home. "Henry's" eyes lit up when he made the connection. We role played several scenarios. Each scenario driving home the need to:

• understand & appreciate where the patient is at THIS moment
• interact respectfully and compassionately
• make a personal connection with the patient

I teased the CNAs about wanting their jobs to be easier. They laughed and admitted that this was true. I reminded them of the old adage, "You kill more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." Compassionate interaction will improve the mood of the patients, enabling them to be more cooperative. This will improve the mood of the employee, which in turn brings greater job satisfaction. I look forward to checking in with "Gertrude" in a few weeks to see how "walking a mile in the patients' shoes" has impacted the CNA/patient relationship.

Heart Felt Thank You

As a registered HICAP counselor, I assist individuals in navigating through the often murky waters of the Medicare system. Recently, I counseled a 64 year old woman while I was at a local senior center. The woman's frustration was apparent from the moment she walked into the office. Her body language was stiff and she had an aggravated look on her face. English was her second language.

It would have been easy for me to simply find out what her Medicare issue was, provide the desired information and send her on her way. I knew that spending a few minutes chatting before working through the issue would brighten both her and my day. We made small talk. We spoke about the client's hobbies and how she planned to enjoy these hobbies more once she retired.

Reaching out to this quiet woman enabled her to let her guard down and get comfortable enough with me that she and I worked through the details easily. Preexisting concerns about language barriers had faded. It really made my day to watch this client walk out of our meeting knowing that she had acquired the information she needed to make an informed decision about health care.

Approximately two weeks later, the volunteer coordinator for HICAP called me to let me know this client sent me a letter. The fact that she would take the time to write a letter touched me. Within her letter she stated how she finds it difficult to be comfortable around other people but that I put her at such ease when we met. She was grateful to be treated so nicely.

These sentiments really warmed my heart. My desire is to provide the tangible services defined as HICAP counseling, and to reach out and meet the intangible needs of my clients as well. This client thinks I made her day..... but in reality, she made my day.

Laughter, theBest Medicine

In May, I realized that I needed to work on my interviewing skills. It had been almost 30 years since job interviews were about me impressing someone enough to hire me. For three decade, job interviews had always been time others spent trying to persuade me that I should work for them.

Realizing that the interview tables had turned was monumental for me. I have such a diverse skill set, exceptional work ethic and a sense of humor. Can't you see that as soon as I walk through the door?! Well, I am a bit older and wiser now that June has rolled around. I have had enough interviews to understand that I must do a bit of the talking. Okay, laugh at my expense. That's okay. I am laughing at myself.... now.

One thing that middle age has taught me is to laugh at myself.

Change of scenery

My children are grown. As a matter of fact, my "baby" graduates from college next week. It has been four years since I sold my daycare business. I sold the business in June 2006. In August 2006, Erin moved into school housing for CSULB. In September 2006, Kelly moved into a UCI dorm. In October 2006, I moved from a 2500 square foot harbor view Rancho Palos Verdes home to a two bedroom apartment in South Coast Metro. Not quite the ocean view that I was accustomed to, but the sounds of ducks playing in the complex's lake created an oasis for me.

I had always worked 50 to 60 hours a week. Attempting to do this, be a soccer mom and go to school was arduous at best. Opting to make the drastic changes of 2006 was not easy to say the least. My life was extremely full of activities and people I loved dearly. Alas, I knew that I had to make changes if I was ever going to complete my education.

Being a vital part in the lives of so many precious people for 14 years was SO incredibly rewarding, yet, I knew that I needed to finish my education for my personal self fulfillment. The sacrifices really made me appreciate my educational process much more than I think I could have appreciated it in my youth.

I sit at my computer today reflecting back on the last four years. Yes, deciding to "jump into uncharted waters" was stressful, but the rewards for this feat have been too numerous to count!

My daughters and I spent the last four years in almost parallel universes despite the age difference. We hung out to share the joys and displeasures of making such drastic changes. Explorations of new environments ensued. Erin, Kelly and I were able to truly relate to each others' circumstances. Our familial support system, love and respect for each other deepened.

A four year vacation from a 25 year stint of 50 plus hour work weeks was just what the doctor ordered for me. It amazes me how much a life can change in four years.Renewing my relationship with God opened doors to so many blessings. Time for friendships materialized. Truly relaxing was a luxury that I had not experienced for many years. The Lord brought me a wonderful husband after ten years of being a struggling single mother. Wow! Four years ago, I would have never imagined my life being what it is today. I am blessed!!

The path I have taken the last four year has taught me that change is good. There will be struggles. There will be joy. Investing in oneself can yield benefits far more valuable than any retirement plan has to offer. Don't get me wrong, I understand that money is essential. For me, I've decided that my relationship with God and family is the cement that solidifies the foundation of my life.